Once upon a time I was a really great vocalist. So good in fact that I beat out some of the best singers in my school’s region for a chance at singing with the state choir.
On the day of my final audition I lost my voice for the first time in my entire life. There was no rescheduling, there was no replay: this was it. So I sang the best that I could, and (needless to say) didn’t get called back. My voice came back later that day, but the damage had been done. Shortly after I focused more on athletics, where my passion was, and didn’t think about choir anymore.
Here I am many years later, a much different woman than the one I was back then. My life hasn’t gone according to plan; in fact, the plans that I made have been completely pushed aside and buried under God’s will, which means that my life has turned out exponentially better than I could ever have dreamed of. One thing remains though. I have a burning and intense desire to be able to sing like I used to, but after 10+ years of not trying I no longer can.
I watch and listen to the women with incredible voices lead worship at church, Nate’s cousin Carrie being one of them. If I’m being totally honest there are times when I get jealous, jealous that God blessed others with voices so pure and clear and unwavering to praise him while I’m stuck with this scratchy and sometimes pitchy little thing.
And then I tear up. I realize that God really does know what he’s doing. I have yet to make it through a worship song in the past 8 year without crying because of the way the Lord moves my soul through music, and I doubt that standing on a stage and sobbing would really help others worship Him well. So I give it up – the whole wanting to sing for me thing – and I give it all to God. Because to him my voice is beautiful and my praise is perfect because it’s a reflection of his love. Nothing can ever pluck me from his hand!
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live, I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
‘Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand